From the Treat Jar

Board Game Fun

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 19:15:00 -0500

Hey there, dogs! Ever hear of Funagle? It's a new-fangled board game that dogs and humans can play together. Who needs that? Dogs can play ANY board game. We present:

SORRY

SORRY has been around for about a billion years (since Mom was young). It is a classic game of chase, luck, and sweet revenge. If you like knocking out ~~cats~~ your opponents, SORRY is for you.

When it's your turn, select a card from the deck.

Read what it says and follow the instructions.

If it's a really good card, save it for future use.

Clever dogs learn how to save MANY good cards.

If you get all your game pieces home first, you win! You may crown yourself SORRY CHAMP!!

MONOPOLY

Ah, the classic, best-selling board game of all time! Every dog needs to play this!

To do well in Monopoly, study every move your opponents make.

If they let you be the banker, rejoice!!

(Don't get too carried away, or you will make a mess.)

Extend your fun by eating some of the Monopoly money. This provides fiber in your diet and makes poop pickup more interesting for the humans.

Freeze if Mom approaches.

If she does not appear to be amused, run! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Play again another day!

The Upside and Downside to Mail Ordering

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 07:07:00 -0500

Mom got a package in the mail the other day! (Mom is always getting a package in the mail, according to Dad. )

It was her new Xyron 900 sticker maker! It turns any flat object into a sticker or magnet.

Why were we so excited, you ask? It's all very logical--just follow along...

Mom used her fancy gadget to make new packaging for her dog cookies!

Now, what's the sense of just having an empty box, right? Therefore, Mom had to....

Are ya gettin' the picture yet??

A new box... cookies to put in it... You're thinking, so what? She's going to send them off to ~~inferior~~ other dogs that she knows. How do you boys benefit??

Think, people, THINK! When cookies are made, there are rejects, right? Those weird, misshapen cookies that would be too embarrassing to give as gifts. What happens to those???

That's right! We are made to eat them! (It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it.)

We sometimes get a bit into it.

We are so happy Mom got her sticker making machine!! Although, there IS a downside...

We're Going A-Courtin'

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 18:55:00 -0500

As some of you might know, we have a thing for THE LADIES. Blondes, redheads, long fur, short fur... Ooo La La! A cutie out there in blogland has caught our eye, and we were hoping...would she? Could she? We were all set to plead our case, but Mom said, "You two stink like dogs." We THOUGHT that was a compliment...

Oh, the embarrassment! We didn't want our beloved seeing us looking less than manly.

Do studly dogs get blow dried?

In case "SHE" was a tough cookie, we prepared the following list:

Thinking she might not be quite convinced, we searched for the perfect accessories...

How about a bowtie?

Nah! What gal could resist a FARLEY's MOM TIE???

So what do you say, SIERRA-DOG ? Will you be our girlfriend?

Conquering the Snowman

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 06:20:00 -0500

Dearest Dogs in Blogland,

When it snows, human children have a tendency to build a thing called a "snowman." This creature stands guard in YOUR yard, and should not be tolerated. We will show you the proper procedure for taking down this intruder.

First, sit idly by while said snowman is being constructed. Look bored.

Next, feign a *tiny* bit of interest as the snowman nears completion. This makes the human feel good.

Feel free to sniff the snowman's butt. It is a dog's right and civic duty.

Pose next to the finished creature as the human applauds him or herself.

If the human appears too cocky, pull out an arm. (From the SNOWMAN!)

IMPORTANT: Wait for the cover of darkness, fake an urgent need to go potty, and go outside and remove all the stones from the snowman. Eat these. (Bonus points for throwing them up on the carpet at 3 am.)

The next day, begin your attack. A two-dog technique is best.

If you find any fabric booty, run away with it.

Feel free to do with it as you wish.

Try not to appear too foolish, though.

You are now ready to take down the yard intruder. Grasp firmly and shake while your partner nips at it.

Once toppled, dispense the final death blows.

Proclaim yourselves KINGS OF THE YARD!

Life Lessons From a Play Date

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 08:02:00 -0500

Guess what? We got new balls!!

From whom, you ask? From our friend THEO!

Theo came to visit us! As you can see, he is quite shy and it takes a while for him to come out of his shell

This was no ordinary get-together, though We learned many fine life lessons from our play date. For instance:

If your friend sits on you, your brother will make sure you are still alive.

All doggies become GOOD doggies in the presence of cookies.

Being tired is no reason to stop playing.

Good friends get your sense of humor.

Bringing a present and then playing with it yourself is NOT Indian-giving.

The further down your tongue hangs, the more fun you're having!

You can delay your friend's leaving by stealing his Mom's shoe.

It's ok to be sad when your friend goes home.

Come back soon, Theo!

How We Enjoy the Snow

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 08:20:00 -0500

1. We Zoom

2. We Wrestle

3. We Get Buried

4. We Chase

5. We Tease

6. We Stare

7. We Collapse

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 07:55:00 -0500

Today is Valentine's Day! We saw Mom get out all sorts of heart wrapping paper and gift bags, and we wondered if we would get a valentine too (our hopes were low, as we are often neglected).

Then she told us we had a package from Luna!! For those of you who don't know, Luna is the prettiest golden retriever girlfriend EVER. Well, equal in beauty to our other girlfriend, Sophie, of course! (Not to mention Daisy... and Sierra... and...)

Oh mannnnnnn, what is it??

TWO new woobies!

(Did you know you can combine new woobies with old woobies for a fresh new look?)

Sometimes we run into problems, though.

Oh my sweet Luna...

so much, Luna! Happy Valentine's Day to you!

But wait!! There was more! Mom told us we got ANOTHER package! It was from our golden friend, Bailey, in Ohio (don't worry, girls, Bailey is a boy :D ).

Ooo, something from Kool Dog Kafe!

Holy cow!! Carob- and yogurt-covered heart cookies!

Just look at them!!

Hmm, do we want a taste? Must... think...

Delish!!

And the best part of Valentine's Day? Knowing we are loved!

to all of our friends!!

Winning the Squeaker War ~~by Augie

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 08:15:00 -0500

My fellow dogs,

Do your woobies come with annoying squeakers buried inside them? Does this enrage you? I will demonstrate the proper removal of said instruments of torture.

First, begin with a new woobie...

You may make little "test" holes here and there, but do NOT show too much interest in your new woobie, or the humans might take it away. (You will hear things such as, "Aww, don't rip it! It's new!") Once sufficient time has passed, you may begin your work. NOTE: Wait until your humans are otherwise preoccupied. (I chose to do it while they were watching a movie in a candy-induced stupor...)

Remove pesky excess stuffing first...

Really dig in to get to the woobie meat...

If you have a bratty brother, it is wise to check up on him to see what he is doing...

Once the coast is clear, continue. Ripping at a furious pace makes the whole event seem more fun!

If you find a plain squeaker, do not be fooled! They are trying to throw you off. A less intelligent doggy will think, "Awesome, I'm done!"

Experts know that the "fanciest" and most prized squeaker is in the head. MAKE SURE no one is going to bother you as you go in for the kill...

Work it, dog! Work it!

Ta-da! You have located and extracted the creme de la creme of squeakers!

Show off your properly gutted woobie...

Stop and admire your work. YOU ARE KING!!

Our Valentine

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 14:42:00 -0500

Another gift came in the mail! It must be our ANIMAL MAGNETISM--who can resist??

Let's see--who is it from??

Ohhhhh, a valentine! From our golden girlfriend, Sophie! Isn't she a beauty?

And look! A new woobie gift!

Try to catch me!

Ok, ok, THE BRAT can play with it first...

Yeah, we know... squeak, squeak, squeak, roll, roll, roll. Same ol' story.... YAWN

Heyyyyyyyyyyy! Toy hog!

Ahh! Order has been restored to the world...

so much, Sophie! And yes, WE WILL BE YOURS! (Although... now, we don't want to start trouble or anything, but we hear that Sophie has other boyfriends! Can you believe that? We thought we were the only ones, but with her beauty, we can understand that competition for her affections is fierce. We vow to work harder to steal her away!)

Happy Birthday to Dad!

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 06:13:00 -0500

The other day our Dad had a birthday , so we helped Mom wrap his presents!

Hmmm, let's see what we have...

Need more paper?

I'll hold down this end...

All done! Looks like a pretty good haul...

Oh wait, there's another package from Amazon!

It's a book!

Well, whaddya know... the latest NY Times best seller! I'm sure Dad will love it!

Dad!

(We didn't get even a taste of that cake )